Perhaps the most definitive experience in my writing "journey," has been the presence of roadblocks. Sometimes these are real and tangible things that happen to me and sometimes these are of my own creation. Whichever version they may be, roadblocks are the things which have halted my forward momentum.
I've entered a strange season of life, where I am frequently balancing a feeling that I could die at any moment against the list of things I would like to accomplish before the inevitable end puts a period on my creative process. In my optimistic youth I had imagined hundreds of novels I would one day write. Even in optimistic terms, if I could reliably output 1 novel per year, there is no version of this which will result in hundreds of novels. This realization has chided my current state of inactivity.
What happened to my plans? I gave up on them. I spent a period of my life pushing very hard to attain the title of "writer." The efforts I made did not result in any sort of financial benefit - certainly not any benefit which could justify writing to the extent that I wanted (full-time). Despite this, I have had several periods of my life which were opened to writing full-time, periods which I neither utilized to their fullest extent, nor realized the precious finity of.
In pondering these facts, I've begun to consider what I can do with whatever time I have left. I want my children to be able to read the stories I've been imagining my whole life. If nothing else, I want that. This means I have to wrestle thought to written word. And I have to do so with some urgency.
It isn't until I start trying to accomplish something that I begin to encounter the roadblocks. This is the comfort of letting the pursuit of writing drift to the back of my mind: there are no roadblocks to contend with. Currently, I am facing a fair few.
1. The information I've generated about my story is scattered across my life and I have to gather at least some of it to ensure my writing remains consistent to what I've already produced.
2. I have to accept that my output may not be seen by anyone - even the people who are close to me that I've directly asked to look at it. People are busy and forgetful. I've certainly given myself the liberty to be so.
3. The formats I choose to present my ideas in each present their own limitations and challenges, which I am often ill-prepared to address. I have to strike a balance between trying to accomplish my goals perfectly and remembering to actually accomplish my goals.
4. The rest of life does not pause itself to make space for my projects. I have to learn how to fit honest and profound effort into the cracks and spaces that I am able to find. The challenge of doing this without missing out on the limited supply of life experiences with my family is monumental, but important.
Today, I thought to type all of this out because I am attempting to resolve my initiative into continued forward momentum. I've divided my second book into four sections and promised to make those available in several formats. I've stalled a bit along that journey as these roadblocks have tripped me. I am standing back up and moving forward again, and again.
